THATS what girls dreams are made of

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 04:47:23 GMT

out with the old, in with the new
dont care about you anymore
slampig

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 04:54:25 GMT

i had a great last xmas vacation
lotta time to think bout stuff
hung out with great people
hung out with some notsogreat people

too bad people make assumptions, start rumors, and then it goes from there.
i just hang out. thats all.
dont believe me then i dont know what to do i dont really care just wanted to atleast try

school tomorrow
:O\pf

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 23:50:51 GMT

i love christmas break
:O)

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 05:06:44 GMT

I was happy until I read tuesdays with morrie and thought about thanksgiving...

i was reading the 20 pages we had to and they had to deal with family
how you really need a loving family to live ect ect
then evan brought up thanksgiving

thats a sore subject for me
i dont have a great big family to get together with
i dont really even have a happy one

i know its a lot worse for other people i just need to vent

my mom is coming to my dads house for thanksgiving dinner and my brother will be here too

i havent seen my mom in a month
we arent getting along
and i dont want it to be like this before i leave for college
it kills me to know shes depressed and sick.. again..

my dad and i have a hard time talking to eachother and it sucks because i know he loves me and i love him but it seems so awkward at times

i love my brother but hes in boston and im all the way down here dealing with family by myself

'the fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isnt the family. if you dont have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from family, you dont have much at all. love is so supremely important.'

i know my parents love me dont get me wrong
but saying it all the time doesnt do half as much as showing it would do
from both parts of the relationship. ive tried calling my mom.. ive made offers. i do things around the house for my dad and i get him food and i make him less stressed from when he gets home from work.
dad compensates
mom is a mess right now

i want to talk to my dad more
and i want to go to my moms house and try
because i dont want it to be like this til i never live with my parents again
i want to remember this time as a happy time when we laughed together and it was okay

its just sad around thanksgiving because i get invited to everyone elses family dinner

evans family is amazing
alexs family is so happy
seans family is happy
courtneys family is a mess in a good way

and i know everyones family cant be like that but its just this time of year that sucks balls
you know
and i know i have it better off than some
but i can still be upset over it for the time being

im ok
i got attacked by two dogs tonight with alex
hes my hero

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 14:22:16 GMT

went to school but left
came to this coffee place on metro and they have free internet accesssssss

Thank you, Katy, for being such an awesome running partner and also helping me make tissue roses and ridding my refrigerator of neglected, unidentified meat...

your welcome alex i will eat your food any time :O)

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 04:23:39 GMT

things were going good until last tuesday
i tried talking to people
theres not much for them to say to me
so maybe if i write some of it down it will make me feel like a weight has been lifted

my mom kicked me out of her house
things with us are not going good at all
she drove me away with her drinking and i guess if i just wouldve stuck it out she woudlnt have become this bad of an alcoholic
i am not a good daughter to her
and i ruined the relationship she dreamed of when i was little
shes trying to get my dad to think i am a bad daughter
he yelled at me tonight but it was probly his pain meds
i cant talk to either one it seems
dads on medicine a lot and my mom is drinking
i cant go anywhere because of this fucking curfew

i tried to call my mom for the hurricane but she never answered and tried to yell at me for it
she claims i am the immature one and i dont give a shit about anything
when i know i care way too much about everything
i used to never hate going to her house because we could talk and shed help me and id help her
her drinking made her a different person so id come home late every night so i didnt have to deal with it
i shouldve though, because it made her get worse. i am sorry for that i like blame it all on me but this time i feel like it is my fault
i am a bad daughter

i dont really know what to do because every time we talk it ends up in my crying my eyes out getting hives like i did when i was little
we dont even talk in person or on the phone
its a stupid email
i tried telling her how i felt but all she could say was
'oh poor little girl, i dont want you here, idont like the person you have become'
someone please tell me what have i become! honest please.

i cant be strong
i am not capable of it
i get hurt VERY easily
you can walk all over me and i will sit there and let you
because i am not good with sticking up for myself

having someone you love call you a fucking bitch and to pack my shit and get out of the house isnt taken too lightly with me

that same person who used to take u shopping and tell u everything and take you to bars in boston

what i did wrong:
wasnt around
not calling her while i was at my dads enough
i do care about her and her work
i would ask her how it was
but i guess i didnt do it enough
i dont want my dad to think i am a bad daughter either

so right now i cant talk to my mom without me crying
i am a bad daughter to her
i cant talk to my dad yet

i wish i could be strong
i will keep trying to call her and make an effort but it will be hard if all i hear is negative feedback
i just want things to go back how they were but it is going to take a long time

i guess that made me feel better
what would really make me feel better is if i could drive around in the cold but i might get arrested
9 o clock
why couldnt they make it atleast 11

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 02:36:27 GMT

i think itd be fun if me and evan were on homecoming court
what do you think?

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 06:25:43 GMT

i havent written in here in a long time so i guess ill give a re cap of the past month or whatever

house was broken into again
i think i said that
didnt have aol for a long time so i just stopped going online even when i got it back

volleyball adds more stress to my life
but its a good workout
been getting into shape it feels good
but other than that i hope it ends really fast
other than the fact that i dont play
i dont care for who i play with
some people i do
but others i dont

ummmmm tonight ev and i had our one year wooo
its really monday but we did it tonight
:O)
lots of fun
cant believe this time last year we were in daytona

tonight reminded me of ruttenburg
:O)

woooooooo so cha

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 03:55:21 GMT

today was good
started out in math singing to harvey danger
did anyone listen to him when you were about 13?????
i loved him
you know
'iiiii im not sick but im not welllllllll and its soo hotttt cuz im in helllllllllllllllllllll'
cha
then it was just boring school
lost in volleyball
enough said
ummm
maryland tomorrow!!!!
wooooooo
theres been a lot of plane crashes lately and pray ours is safe please
cant wait
4daysoffun
<33333
be safe

dad is getting a dog
i think hes really serious about it too
he wanted to name it gant
because the dog is from belgium
but colby and i agree that gants a bad name so i picked
dugan
dugie for short
cha?? maybe??

i love hoes

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 02:25:39 GMT

i just dont pay em

its amazing how publix can take stress away
vollyeball games in venice the next two games
prob wont play
lame
then thursday-sunday maryland
will be fun
just now im in a shit mood 24-7
thought tonight would be fun but :O| o well

i was the only one singing to the cure this morning on vnn
lovvvedd ittt

CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT WTF

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 23:38:39 GMT

volleyballs gay
im stressed
im gonna hate makeup work
but maryland with evan for 3 nights will be amazing
ill leave all my stress behind and deal with it when i get home

another sleepover tonight?
ihopeso

Sun, 14 Aug 2005 00:57:39 GMT

i have that bad feeling in my stomach

uhg going from being with someone all night and morning to being all alone is kind of depressing

last night was the best
and tonight is just lonely
went to westys for the freshman retreat and it made me realize some things about this year and highschool and college
came home to mom
sad

im listening to this playlist i made freshman year
its realllllyyy weird

colbys home
which means artie will be gone soon :O\
dad wants a german shephard
and he keeps talking about it
lets see if THIS one happens.

something happens and im head over heels

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 01:39:48 GMT

i never find out
til im head over heels
dont take my heart
dont break my heart
dont throw it away

woooo tears for fears

school
volleyball
home
bored
lame
schools gay
ill be on vnn for a freshman retreat video though
ha

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 23:35:33 GMT

today was kinda rough
yea
really rough
some things arent the same
today afterschool i get messages to call my dad asap
something bad happened
so i do
and our house was broken into
again
this time it was BAD
they broke in through a window. not even the window to get to the door handle?? just a window. stupid
threw everything around, again
broke shit
took dads plasma tv, his money under his matress, other stuff of his, they took my laptop, threw all my shit around in my room, took pictures of me and friends, me and evan.. i had pictures on my table i was going to enlarge and frame but they took them. and they have my laptop with pictures of myself and friends.

scary thing is
dad left this morning at 720
i left at 750
the yard guy who called the police game by at 9
they came pretty close to when i left..

watching us??? i dont know

there was a knife at the top of the stairs by my door
with blood on it
and cat hair around it
cats missing
i hope she ran away
but will come back
everyones avoiding questions about the cat
if i lost her id die, shes been with me through everything

arties perfectly fine thank god

just scary :O\ and everything with that girl from cape..just fucked up people out there

im worried for my dad to be sleeping there tonight alone
atleast he has a gun

they came into the house with a knife so if anyone was in it they could do whatever with that knife
just worries me.. :O\

come home sundae :O|

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 17:13:41 GMT

this summers warped tour experience
not as many bands
but still fun
drove up with weez and evan
got there around 545 and saw atreyu and fall out boy
started to rain so we got under an overhang then just when down anyways
mudfights started
so fun
girls took their tops off yessssssssss
that was gross
but it was amazing
ride home was so fun too
evans after
home
sleep
i still have mud on me
and in my hair :O|

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 03:54:06 GMT

wow this is de ja vu
this time last year it was like i didnt have a best friend anymore
i dont know what i do wrong
im here
im available
i make time
i have time
not having a best friend is one of the worst feelings in the world
and its had to happen twice
we didnt even fight
we just stop?
no calls to hang out?
i think im done sitting around waiting for a call
i waited this week
i know i didnt call
ill wait some more
but then i just will get over it
this isnt true friendship
it hurts
its not supposed to hurt like this

i feel used in some ways
not a good feeling
im used a lot
have been used
am used
was used
i need to be stronger

warped tour tomorrow
going up late

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 07:35:16 GMT

tonight was amazing
went to evans
words cant describe
except
tonight me and ev were mvp's
woooooooooo
talked
i have the best boyfriend there is
and im very lucky
and happy
and uhg
everything
its hard to find this in life
and ive found it
well
it came to me when i least expected it

pictures!

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 09:02:02 GMT

here are some pictures from NY, Maine, and home!

ev in my shades--i get to wake up to this face 3 times when we go to maryland and i cant wait

im going to be sad when colby takes him to boston for good :O( so is my dad

sam (the horse), me and ev. central park :O) oooh sam

maine. brush time. little messy

greg me and evan eating lobster!!!!!!!!!!111 love the bibs

the road in maine we stayed on

my mom and her best friend soobie in boston. cosmo uh no more. my mom looks pretty in this one :O)

looks like courtneys NAKED! maybe she is??

virginia

new york

boston

soon maryland

its been a summer

woulda been more of a summer if i had the balls to fly to ohio.. uhg...ENJOY!

stole from colb

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 22:26:13 GMT

1. Spell your first name backwards: ytak

2. Story behind your name: i dont think there is one

3. How old are you: 17

4. Where do you live: ft myers

DESCRIBE YOUR:

5. Wallet - black

6. Hairbrush- black

7. Toothbrush - crest pink

8. Jewelry worn daily - 2rings,earings,nosering,necklace

10. Pillow cover -white with a pink flower

11. and 12. are omitted due to the severe gayetty of them.

13. Sunglasses - too many

14. Favorite shirt - lots

15. Cologne/Perfume - lucky,nollie,august

16. CD in stereo right now - bloc party

17. Piercings - nosering,ears

18. What you are wearing now - skirt n shirt

19. Wishing - that i won a couple million dollars

20. wanting - to wake up to your face

21. After this - pf. nothing.

22. If you could get away with murder..who would it be- idk?

23. Person you wish you could see right now - kerrrrrrrry

24. Some of your favorite movies - donnie darko, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, notebook, of course..., there are too many more

25. Something you're looking forward to in the coming month - maryland, warped tour

26. The last thing you ate - sweet mint orbit gum it tastes like mint choco ship icecream uhuhu

27. Something that you are deathly afraid of - spiders

28. Do you like candles - yea

29. Do you like incense - ew

30. Do you like the taste of blood - what?

31. Do you believe in love - yes

32. Do you believe in soul mates - maybe

33. Do you believe in love at first sight - no

34. Do you believe in Heaven - no

35. Do you believe in God - idk

36. What do you want done with your body when you die- idk if i wanna be buried or cremated but ill be an organ donar

37. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - walrus

38. What is the longest you've ever stay up? - 46hours

39. Can you eat with chopsticks - ya

40. What's your favorite coin - gold dollar

41. What are some of your favorite candies - hmmm yorks r love

42. What's something that you wish people would understand about you - that it's not that i have a "bad attitude", it's that i know what i like and i know what i hate, and i dont care for most people<--- thats colby.. perfect words ive been looking to describe him. me? umm im not sure.

43. What's something you wish you could understand better - why people are so stupid

44. Who is someone that you really wish was still around - granny bo

45. Who are your best friends? ev katie ryan josh courtney kerry

46. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend - ya

47. Longest relationship- this one-10 months +

48. How many actual relationships have you been in - this is the only one that matters

49. How many people have you kissed - who cares

50. Are you shy around your crush - noo

51. Still have feelings for anyone you've been in a past relationship with - not at all

52. Do you know what it feels like to be in love - ido

53. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friends - yea

f a s h i o n | s t u f f

54. Where is your favorite place to shop - newberry st., nyc

55. Have any tattoos - nope

56. What is your favorite thing to wear- ilove just shorts and a tshirt

57. What is a must have accessory - the ability to think for yourself

58. How much is the most you've ever spent on a single item of clothing - probly a dress, idk how much

60. Who is the least fashionable person you know - idk

61. Do you match your belt with your hair color - ahahahahaha!!!!1 people do that?

62. What is the worst thing you've ever thought looked good - those pant shorts gross

64. How many pairs of shoes do you own - i have a good amount

65. What is the worst trend you see today - popped collars

s p e c i f i c s

1. Do you do drugs - no

2. What kind of shampoo do you use - bumble and bumble

4. What are you listening to right now - tv

5. Who was the last person that called - dad

6. Where do you want to get married - hmm outside by the water

7. How many buddies are online right now - a lot, but only about 4 that i talk to

8. What would you change about yourself - self esteem

9. What are essentials in your life - sleep, friends, laughing, music

10. If you had the power to do any one thing, what would it be? - fly

12. Do you send out holiday cards each year - no

C U R R E N T

1. Hair: ponytail

2. make-up: none right now

3. music: tv

4. mood: bored, hating the end of my summer

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 01:21:51 GMT

A- Age: 17
B- Band: too many favorites! coldplay cha
C- Crush: some loser
D- Dad's name: Dewey
E- Easiest person to talk to: courtney, evan, ryan, sean, steve, katie
F- Favorite ice cream: cookies n cream!
G- Gummy worms or gummy bears: bears!
H- Hometown: ftmyers
I- Instruments: i couldnt even play the recorder in middle school
J- Junior High: had its downfalls. but 8th grade was a blast
K- Kids: 9
L- Longest car ride ever: ft myers florida to charlottesville virginia
M- Mom's name: Lesley
N- Nicknames: kate(colby , dad), katy monster(mom), katester
O- One wish: hm
P- Phobia[s]: dying, drowning, spiders, snakes, ghosts.
Q- Quote: i dont really have a favorite
R- Reason to smile: friends,jokes.
S- Song you sang last: dashboard was playing at omni?
T- Time you woke up today: 11
U- Unknown fact about me: im not sure
V- Vegetable[s]: carrots, lettuce
W- Worst habit: dont have many bad ones. im a moper though
X- X-rays you've had: teeth, arm.
Y - Years since you've been to church: outside of school? cant remember
Z- Zodiac sign: aries the RAM

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 08:30:38 GMT

i have A LOT to do today
and i cant sleep
evan comes home tonight
ive never been so excited/nervous/happy
why nervous?
i dont know
when i got home from hawaii i was nervous
cant wait to see him.hughimkisshim ah god cant wait!

i read that the less sleep u get, the more prone you are to obesity
cool

book sale today
uhg. school
im not ready to see everyone and hear, ' omg how was ur summer??? '
because i dont want this summer to be over yettttt
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
im not ready to wake up early
im not ready to get stressed over applying to colleges
im not ready to get turned down by colleges
im not ready to have our LAST homecoming
or any highschool dance
AHSKJDFSFKLSJAFDSHKJGHJKDFSKAFL

warped tour will again be the perfect ending to a great summer

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 22:19:32 GMT

last night was awesome
so much fun
laughed a lot
specially when 'the box' was brought out
austin dairyberry
donny warehouse
chuckie
old memories for smls
jes we had good times there

woke up at 4
packed and came to dads
now im kinda sad

evan will be here soon
that makes me VERY happy
hes coming in late the 29th but im going to visit no matter what time it is!

uhg
pf
:O\

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 04:43:49 GMT

i forgot how much fun i had with katie!!!
i havent laughed that much at a movie and it wasnt the movie that made me laugh
whats up hot shit
we got up to go to the bathroom
came back
and our seats were stolen
ah o well
waas funnn

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 22:22:08 GMT

mom thinks i have guts for getting off the plane
more like a panic attack
was on my way to ohio but the plan was a 30 seater
got on
started sweating and got dizzy
freaked out
asked to get off
uhg
the worst feeling ever

i feel so bad for letting steve down
i just couldnt do it
tried to book a new flight and dad wouldnt let me
all my fault shouldve just dealt with the plane
but it was so tiny..

help!

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 20:48:57 GMT

if anyone is feeling generous
i need a ride to the airport on friday
it will probably be early
around 8
maybe earlier
because i think i leave at 9
if not apple transportation it is